What We Couldn’t Say
As a Gen Xer, I often find myself in conversations with other parents and friends, who are shocked that kids today—sometimes as young as 10 or 12—are openly talking about suicide. The idea feels outlandish, almost unfathomable. When we were that age, it was unheard of. And if that’s how we “feel”, imagine the Boomers.
Yet, when I stop and think about it, I catch myself questioning why it seems so surprising—especially since I’ve personally struggled with depression my entire life. The first time I felt different, the first time I felt a deep sadness I couldn’t understand, I was in fourth grade. I didn’t know what depression was, but I knew something felt different, I was sad and didn’t have a clue how to talk about it. By sixth grade, I had my first thoughts of suicide.
So, maybe it’s not that these struggles didn’t exist back then—it’s that no one talked about them. I certainly didn’t. I wore a smile like armor. No one would have guessed I was the kid writing dark poetry at night, crying into my pillow. My thoughts were my own because I believed no one could possibly understand what was wrong with me.
That’s why it’s so important that we listen to the kids around us. Pay attention to their actions, the silent cries for help that often go unnoticed. Watch their moods—are they different than they used to be? Who are they spending time with? Have their friendships changed? Are they hanging out with anyone at all? How much are they sleeping? Eating? Talking to you? How much time are they spending on their phone? When they engage with you, do they have an attitude? That attitude may be hurt, it may be a silent cry.
There are so many signs, and sometimes, we just don’t see them. But you might be surprised by what happens when you simply ask, “Hey, what’s going on?” Don’t pressure them—just let them know you’re there. Even if they act like they don’t need you, they do. They need to feel that warmth, that presence, that unwavering support.
This is why I’m passionate about mental health. Because I have lost dear ones to suicide and for far too long, silence was the norm. And silence in this case is not on our side.