When Teens and Young Adults Go No Contact:

The hurt, the healing, and the possible why

My heart aches as I write this, because nothing prepares a parent for the moment when their child decides to go no contact. It feels like an emotional gut-punch, leaving you in a loop of thoughts that go something like this: What did I do wrong? Did I push too hard? Did I not push hard enough? The rewind-play-rewind cycle runs in your head, playing out every interaction, every decision. And yet, it still doesn’t give us the answer we crave: Why is this happening to me?

As parents, we can’t help but compare ourselves to others. I’ve seen my friends’ relationships with their teens, their adult children—even their daughters. So why is my story different? Why does it feel like I’ve somehow failed?

The truth is, every parent has a unique approach to raising their children. What worked for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another. For me, I thought giving my child space was the right choice. I remember when I was her age, the more my mother pushed, the more I pulled away. That created frustration and anger, and I swore I would never put my daughter in that position.

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Why does this happen? There’s no single answer. Often, it’s due to unresolved conflict, differing values, or even a young adult’s desire for independence. Mental health challenges, trauma, or abusive dynamics also play a role in some cases. For many parents, it’s a shock that leaves them in disbelief, especially when they feel they did their best.

For me, this is where the second-guessing comes in. Did I give her too much space? I thought I was protecting her from feeling the way I did growing up—suffocated by a parent’s pushiness. But now I find myself questioning whether I should’ve tried harder to stay close.

Every parent grapples with these thoughts in their own way. But while we may not have all the answers, we aren’t alone. This happens to far more families than we talk about openly. It doesn’t mean we are failures, nor does it mean the story is over. Estrangement is complex, and while it can take years, some parent-child relationships do find healing and reconciliation over time.

In the meantime, we must work toward healing ourselves. It’s okay to feel the pain, to grieve, and to reach out for support from others who understand. We may never fully understand why our children made this choice, but there’s hope in learning to accept that parenting is never perfect. It’s messy, complicated, and often heartbreaking. Yet, somewhere in that heartache, there’s room for growth, for understanding, and for love.